23/04/2024
Go backOne day, Jenny Everywhere was just about to go on an adventure, when the story ended.
“Now look here,” said Jenny, “This is getting really rather ridiculous.”
“Really?” said the narrator of the story, who happened to be me, “I find it quite amusing.”
“It most certainly isn’t!” cried Jenny, “There was I, all set to go out on my adventure, when suddenly the story ends! So I decide to go off on an extra-narrative adventure, and then another one starts! How on earth is an overly-metafictional incarnation of an ubiquitous open-source character supposed to get an adventure if there are stories starting and ending all over the place?”
“You might as well ask,” the narrator (otherwise known as myself) remarked, “How an overly-metafictional incarnation of an ubiquitous open-source character is supposed to get an adventure when she is sitting about arguing with a nebulous narrator who may or may not be being vaguely implied to be a narrator from one of the author’s other works.”
“Isn’t this the author’s debut?”
“Harrumph, well… In a manner of speaking.”
“Right,” said Jenny, “That’s it! I’m going off on an adventure.” but it turned out she couldn’t as that was the end of the story.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh!” screamed Jenny Everywhere, in what was typically regarded as a blood-curdling screech*.
“Well,” I said, for the bit where I added in parenthesis after “narrator” that the narrator was, in fact, me was getting rather tiresome, “I’d already ruined the joke of the first story, so I thought I might as well carry on. And these are rather fun, I must say.”
Jenny Everywhere groaned. This may have been because she had an elephant on her head, or else it may have been because she was rather pissed off at me.
I suspect the latter, in hindsight.
Just then, because I couldn’t think of anything else to put here, in a daring act of outstanding fanwankery, I suddenly revealed that I was not, in fact, a mere ordinary narrator, the likes of which you might find in an everyday story, but instead I was the Narrator in Grey!
“The who?” asked Jenny Everywhere, still decidedly peeved at my antics.
“The Narrator in Grey!” I cried, “You must have heard of me!”
“Not ringing any bells,” said Everywhere.
“Oh,” I said, disheartened, “Well, then, let me rectify that lack of knowledge, and inform you that I, the Narrator in Grey, am very evil and such, being the Man in Grey’s evil cousin! And I am here to stop you!”
“Stop me doing what?” asked Everywhere.
“Why, having adventures of course!” I said.
“Yeah, figures,” said Everywhere, “I mean, bloody hell, you really are evil!”
So Jenny Everywhere gave me a very stern telling off, and told me not to be evil any more, so I became very good and we both went on lots of lovely adventures together, and we all lived happily ever after until the very next day, when the universe in which these stories took place imploded, because it didn’t particularly fancy another one of these Tumblr flash-fic things.
DEFINITELY THE END (xxx - the universe in which these stories took place, aka Miranda)
*No blood was harmed during the making of this story. Well, not much, anyhow
The character of Jenny Everywhere is available for use by anyone, with only one condition: This paragraph must be included in any publication involving Jenny Everywhere, that others might use this property as they wish. All rights reversed.
The character of the Man in Grey, and by extension the Narrator in Grey, is available for use by anybody without attribution, whatever my younger self may mis-informedly have believed at the time of writing.
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